Running Ahead

I live in constant expectation of the future. Expectation of seeing my friends again, of work and all that pertains to it; expectations of finding the right guy and falling in love and eventually being a wife. My expectations abound.

While expectations aren’t a bad thing, I think for me they too easily become skewed. Sometimes I run out ahead of where God is walking with me, and then I trip up because I can’t see what’s right in front of my nose, because I’m looking at the horizon.

I’ll be honest: I have a pretty strong patience for things. But when it comes to the future, I get lost in my day dreaming and get stuck in the mind set of “when will IT happen?” The “it” in question can be anything from getting a phone call from a friend to hitting the height of my career. I like to know when things are happened. I have a schedule planner, and I like to follow it.

But God never seems to let me do that. I think God must be amused by how stressed out I can be when I can’t see what’s going to happen in the future. (Maybe that’s actually what thunder is!) God’s word acts as “lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” Yes, I get that. He illuminates the way, showing me the paths to take to lead the best way.

The funny thing about lamps is that they don’t typically cast light out far enough for to see the entire road – just the next step or two. The rest is all taken in faith that when the next step happens, the lamp will still be illuminating far enough for me to take the next step, then the next, and so on. I just always seem to want to run ahead.

Corrie Ten Boom was a Christian who aided Jews during WWII. In the book that documents her life, called The Hiding Place, Corrie describes a scene that’s always stuck with me. Corrie, as a young child has realized that Death can happen to anyone, and she’s afraid it will happen to her father. Her father asks her, “Corrie, when you and I go to Amsterdam – when do I give you your ticket?” She replies that he gives it to her just before they get on the train. “Exactly,” he replies, “And our wise Father in heaven knows when we’re going to need things, too. Don’t run ahead of Him, Corrie…” (pg. 29) (If you haven’t read that book, drop whatever you’re doing, buy it and read it!)

Not running out ahead of God? That’s scary. I like knowing where I’m going to be and how I’m going to get there. Having my Father give me just what I need when I need it… that’s harder. Scarier. Braver, too. It requires faith. I live in expectation of the future. But I am learning to live in the expectation that today, in this moment, God is leading me on a path that will result in His glory, for His purpose, in His timing, that will eventually accomplish His plans. God is the light that’s shining on my path, and I have confidence that He will give me what I need when I need it. Not a moment too soon, and not a moment too late.

“Faith is the conviction that God knows more than we do about this life and He will get us through it.” - Max Lucado

Learning not to run ahead,

Casey